Mission Lingerie

Coming back from office, towards the mailbox, time to check mails... the thing that bores me the most. Thats gone, to my amazement, I find a Victoria's Secret free lingerie coupon. Maan, the pic on the coupon was haaaat! Wondering... why the hell me, I have never purchased a lingerie from that place, what is this coupon for. Anyway, took it inside with rest of the mail.

What to do with it, it was lying on my table for months. One fine day, got another one... this time it had my Landlord's name on it. There you go... it was for his wife, I had cracked the mistery. He was no more here, so it was mine. Now I had 2 of them. Unfortunately, the old one had expired.

Come june and it was Zeee's birthday. I thought it would make a nice gift before the other one also expires. Zeee, my old college time buddy, a New Yorker now. Called her and said... "Buddy, I have a VS free coupon and I am mailing it to you, dont ask another budday gift." She got excited, dunno what they pack into those small pieces of cloth, women just want it!

Casually she asked me to check the date on the coupon, it was expiring after 2 days... right on the day it will reach her if I mail it. Now what... I already have her salivating for those goodies, but... I cant go into the store and buy that... pah! She urges me to go and get it... and upon that parcel it. Goddam hell... first get it... then parcel it. Am i crazy I said... I am not getting it... forget it... no gift for you.

She starts booing, calling me shy... lolu pollu... I said I am not! She challenged me... I took up the mission... "Mission Lingerie." Gathered all courage and made my way to the mall, wondering... I've just gotta buy a few Pieces of cloth folks! What the hell.

I land up in front of the VS Showroom and suddenly everything turns pink. I was in the pink world... What happened... Follows...

Storekeeper: Welcome sir! May I help you?

I: (Thanking my Stars...) O yea... I definately need some help here. (She giggles...) I fish out the coupon and pointing my other finger to it... I ask... Where can I use this?

Storekeeper: (In her blac southern accent) Go right down this isle, on your left (she points toards the section) you will find a bunch of lingerie where you can select from using this coupon.

I: (Tensed... wondering n scratching my head... mann... select from a bunch... quite a task!) Wondering down the isle, through the sea of lingerie... checking out the wildest clothes I'd ever seen, I reach the section. God helped, to my rescue she sent an angel there, another store keeper.

Storekeeper2: How can I help you sir (checkin me top to toe, to find something for which clothes in her shop could be useful... :P)?

I: (I remembered the size Zeee had told me... it was something like XXX... but I did not remember she telling me, was is the size of the panty or the bra) I say... I need a panty, size XXX

Storekeeper2, Storekeeper1 (she also comes along... seeing me struggling to find something): They say, we are sorry sir, panties come in Small, Medium and Large, XXX the size of a bra, and in this offer you have to select the panty and we give the matching bra.

I: (felt like a sucker... melting with shame... felt like melting and flowing right out of the shoppe...) I take a sigh, bring on a sucker smile and say... "Oh, is it! Lemme call her!" I call... Zena picks... I say... "Zeee... I am in a situation here... I need the size of your panty".... buddie... she asked... what happened... I said... "I'm at VS and I asked a panty telling the bra size." She fainted laughing... I said... please size bata... She says... "Get out of that place mandy! I was just kidding... and you are crazy!" I said... "NO... I'll get it, panty ka size bata. I dont wanna get out of here after all this." Then she says X and get a black Thong. I hang up. Turning to the shopkeeper:
Please gimme a black Thong size X

Storekeeper2: She quickly gets me that (seeing the sweat on my Forehead... she asks) Why are you sweating sir?

I: (Smiling) I am nervous, just nervous... never bought lingerie before, and you need to help me get a matching bra... please.

Storekeeper2: (Giggling...) Sure sir, she gets one and says, this is good cotton one... nice for the summers...

I: (Sigh of relief...) Whatever... where is the billing counter? Again... thanking the storekeeper.

Standing in the que, waiting for my turn to pay... all women lookin at me and chuckling... I giving innocent smiles. My turn comes.

Cashier: How are you doing sir?

Me: Not bad, not bad!

Casher: Punching the computer, drawing the bill... nice to have you here sir... have a good day.

I: Thanks!... and Mission Accomplished!

Cashier (who was noticing my situation since last 10 mins) Burst into laughter!

It ain't over yet. I have to walk down that mall to my car with that pink package in my hand and then to the postoffice to parcel it. At the post office:

I pack it and reach the parcel window:

Clerk: What is in it?

I: (Scratching my head...) Co.. co... Clothes!

Clerk: Okay... to NY 18$s express.

I: Okay... ship it!

Mission truly accomplished! Then follows the blackmailing, instead of thanks!

Zeee says she will tell my wife that once I bought her lingerie. Scaring me huh! And again she says .... "I am training you Mandy!"

Let her get married this december and I'll buy her boyfriend some boxers with a note on top. "This is to even out for the lingerie that I bought for your wife :P" He he

Friends are Friends... may be you meet once in years... if someone asks something as a gift for budday... I am gonna get it even if it is within my slight reach!

Lesson learnt thought... "How to buy lingerie?" by Zeee!

Homeless...

Ram Calling... "Hello Mani... I am sorry to say man... my wife is in town...she is cryin.... a....a ...and I need you to vacate my house immediately." I am silent... scanning through all the legal statements when I moved in... then all that help Ram had provided when I was new... Ram's side was heavy... 2 moments and I say... "Ok man! Will find something asap." What a start to a Friday... when you dont know where to chill your evening beer. I was kicked out.

She says... "You should unpack... hang all your clothes... you will feel at home." This time I did that for a few clothes that I wear, no use. This is my consultant life. I ain't got no home. I often ask myself... "Will I ever settle down?" Feels like I've been running and running and the race never seems to end.

I had this strange feeling inside me today, when I say "inside" I really mean it. It was something like, I am very hungry and even if I eat it does not go away. I was craving for something. Normally when I talk to her it goes away, could not get in touch this time. Whole day was tough.
Not that I care about being kicked out... naah... its usual... I ll find some other place. One friend is with me this time. No matter how much he irritates me... he is company. Ain't gonna leave him alone. He is welcome to share my Car home :-).

Soon we are gonna find a house--> a fridge in it--> and again a chilled beer inside it. This is life for me. Chilll!

If you dont to that... you Die!

My 2 cents in this space... my space... my 2 cents. Public toilets in US are a nuisance. It is just like person very formally dressed, but wearing half pants. Yeah, any toilet here is uncovered from the bottom and the worst thing is they clutter 8 - 10 of them in a small place. Take for example my office. A typical situation in the morning at about 10 am. The most dangerous time to enter that place.

Enter that place and you hear a cacophony of farts, like a competition, one trying to blow his(I go to the menz room folks! :P) ass louder than the other. Then comes the bleak noise, there you go... that guy had a rough night :-) or he is fat and poor fart is trying his best to make its way through. Dont these guys feel embarassed when they come out of the pot seat and look at each other's faces? Insted they greet each other... well.. Good Morning!

When I was new to this place, doing it in such places was the most uncomfortable thing for me, now... thats my thinking chair :P. Its amazin how lookin at the shoes from those open bottoms, you can guess who the person is in there. I've spotted my manager's shoes many times :P. You can even spot personalities by looking at the way people keep their feet. Easy going ones, throw their pants right at the ankles and legs kept comfortable apart... having a nice time. Ones with toes turned towards each other... well... he's got constipation or may be he the Wasabi sauce at sushi is giving its real taste now... he he.

When I go to do, I look for a quick sneak onto my seat so that no body notices. Well, then I can make any noises I want and no one knows who is in there. Have to make sure that the line is clear even when i sneak out. Thats what I call a clean shit. he he. Forget it, even I have become shameless now. I fart out loud in toilets and when people ask. I say... "What the hell... If you dont do that... you Die!"

O comeon guys, I'm not the only one nasty. We all do it and I accept it (only in the menz room but :D)!