Mission Lingerie

Coming back from office, towards the mailbox, time to check mails... the thing that bores me the most. Thats gone, to my amazement, I find a Victoria's Secret free lingerie coupon. Maan, the pic on the coupon was haaaat! Wondering... why the hell me, I have never purchased a lingerie from that place, what is this coupon for. Anyway, took it inside with rest of the mail.

What to do with it, it was lying on my table for months. One fine day, got another one... this time it had my Landlord's name on it. There you go... it was for his wife, I had cracked the mistery. He was no more here, so it was mine. Now I had 2 of them. Unfortunately, the old one had expired.

Come june and it was Zeee's birthday. I thought it would make a nice gift before the other one also expires. Zeee, my old college time buddy, a New Yorker now. Called her and said... "Buddy, I have a VS free coupon and I am mailing it to you, dont ask another budday gift." She got excited, dunno what they pack into those small pieces of cloth, women just want it!

Casually she asked me to check the date on the coupon, it was expiring after 2 days... right on the day it will reach her if I mail it. Now what... I already have her salivating for those goodies, but... I cant go into the store and buy that... pah! She urges me to go and get it... and upon that parcel it. Goddam hell... first get it... then parcel it. Am i crazy I said... I am not getting it... forget it... no gift for you.

She starts booing, calling me shy... lolu pollu... I said I am not! She challenged me... I took up the mission... "Mission Lingerie." Gathered all courage and made my way to the mall, wondering... I've just gotta buy a few Pieces of cloth folks! What the hell.

I land up in front of the VS Showroom and suddenly everything turns pink. I was in the pink world... What happened... Follows...

Storekeeper: Welcome sir! May I help you?

I: (Thanking my Stars...) O yea... I definately need some help here. (She giggles...) I fish out the coupon and pointing my other finger to it... I ask... Where can I use this?

Storekeeper: (In her blac southern accent) Go right down this isle, on your left (she points toards the section) you will find a bunch of lingerie where you can select from using this coupon.

I: (Tensed... wondering n scratching my head... mann... select from a bunch... quite a task!) Wondering down the isle, through the sea of lingerie... checking out the wildest clothes I'd ever seen, I reach the section. God helped, to my rescue she sent an angel there, another store keeper.

Storekeeper2: How can I help you sir (checkin me top to toe, to find something for which clothes in her shop could be useful... :P)?

I: (I remembered the size Zeee had told me... it was something like XXX... but I did not remember she telling me, was is the size of the panty or the bra) I say... I need a panty, size XXX

Storekeeper2, Storekeeper1 (she also comes along... seeing me struggling to find something): They say, we are sorry sir, panties come in Small, Medium and Large, XXX the size of a bra, and in this offer you have to select the panty and we give the matching bra.

I: (felt like a sucker... melting with shame... felt like melting and flowing right out of the shoppe...) I take a sigh, bring on a sucker smile and say... "Oh, is it! Lemme call her!" I call... Zena picks... I say... "Zeee... I am in a situation here... I need the size of your panty".... buddie... she asked... what happened... I said... "I'm at VS and I asked a panty telling the bra size." She fainted laughing... I said... please size bata... She says... "Get out of that place mandy! I was just kidding... and you are crazy!" I said... "NO... I'll get it, panty ka size bata. I dont wanna get out of here after all this." Then she says X and get a black Thong. I hang up. Turning to the shopkeeper:
Please gimme a black Thong size X

Storekeeper2: She quickly gets me that (seeing the sweat on my Forehead... she asks) Why are you sweating sir?

I: (Smiling) I am nervous, just nervous... never bought lingerie before, and you need to help me get a matching bra... please.

Storekeeper2: (Giggling...) Sure sir, she gets one and says, this is good cotton one... nice for the summers...

I: (Sigh of relief...) Whatever... where is the billing counter? Again... thanking the storekeeper.

Standing in the que, waiting for my turn to pay... all women lookin at me and chuckling... I giving innocent smiles. My turn comes.

Cashier: How are you doing sir?

Me: Not bad, not bad!

Casher: Punching the computer, drawing the bill... nice to have you here sir... have a good day.

I: Thanks!... and Mission Accomplished!

Cashier (who was noticing my situation since last 10 mins) Burst into laughter!

It ain't over yet. I have to walk down that mall to my car with that pink package in my hand and then to the postoffice to parcel it. At the post office:

I pack it and reach the parcel window:

Clerk: What is in it?

I: (Scratching my head...) Co.. co... Clothes!

Clerk: Okay... to NY 18$s express.

I: Okay... ship it!

Mission truly accomplished! Then follows the blackmailing, instead of thanks!

Zeee says she will tell my wife that once I bought her lingerie. Scaring me huh! And again she says .... "I am training you Mandy!"

Let her get married this december and I'll buy her boyfriend some boxers with a note on top. "This is to even out for the lingerie that I bought for your wife :P" He he

Friends are Friends... may be you meet once in years... if someone asks something as a gift for budday... I am gonna get it even if it is within my slight reach!

Lesson learnt thought... "How to buy lingerie?" by Zeee!